Shame sounds like, ‘I reversed into a pole, I am such a loser, I can’t get anything right’ Guilt sounds like, ‘I reversed into a pole, I wasn’t looking properly, that was silly, I’ll start double checking from now on’
Tag: Guilt
One Tip That Will Change the Way You Argue
There is a difference being attacking someone’s CHARACTER and attacking their BEHAVIOUR. When we are critical of someone’s character it is much more personal attack. When we attack a behaviour, there is more of a sense that the behaviour can …
The Potential Benefits of Discussing Family Issues Are
“In your dreams!” I hear many of you thinking as you read this tile, and for many of you that is true. Having family discussions about important issues can be a disaster for everyone involved depending on the emotional maturity …
Things That Might Prevent A Family from Discussing Issues Are
At the first sign of disagreement, uncomfortable issues or emotions, does your family ‘shut down’? Shutting down is often done to protect the individuals and the family system and is often done because the members simply don’t have the skills …
How to Talk to Your Family About Cycles You Would Like to Break
A lot of cycle breaking that takes place in families happens without much open discussion. Often families don’t have the language or willingness to discuss things which might be unhealthy for one or more members. Things that might prevent a …
Understanding Why the People in Your Family Are as they Are
Taking time to understand your family is part of the healing process. As we get to know our parents, for most of us there are parts that we love and respect and parts that drive us crazy. If you have …
How to Support Yourself as a ‘Cycle Breaker’
A cycle breaker in a family is someone who consciously chooses to develop different ways of communicating, interacting, living and thinking to their family of origin. This can start at a very young age, knowing early that you just think …
Being a Cycle Breaker is a Calling
To be a cycle breaker there has to be a certain kind of waking up to the dysfunctional family patterns. This usually happens over a period of time, but it can also happen over-night, leaving you feeling completely disorientated and …
How to Respond to Shaming Comments as a Cycle Breaker
As a cycle breaker it is important to understand that most of the resistance to you being different and wanting to break away from the family is based in FEAR. The underlying habit for many family systems is to shame …
How to Work with Shame
Nathanson (1992) presents a fabulous tool to show us how shame shows up. When we look at the middle axis of withdrawal and avoidance, we see two different behaviours. With withdrawal, there is hiding and disconnection. We know from research …