There is a difference being attacking someone’s CHARACTER and attacking their BEHAVIOUR. When we are critical of someone’s character it is much more personal attack. When we attack a behaviour, there is more of a sense that the behaviour can be changed. Think about the difference between, “you are a bad person for doing that” and “you did a bad thing”. This is the difference between shame and guilt. When we speak to ourselves and say “I am a bad person” we are in shame, and when we say “I did a bad thing” we are in guilt. It is much healthier to stay in guilt than in shame.
Whenever you remember, comment on the behaviour rather than the character.