Many of us spend years in confusion, anger and grief about the mother relationship, trying to make sense of what happened. The relationship with the mother, who is usually the primary caretaker, is the first imprint we receive about how …
Tag: attachment theory
Creating a Secure Attachment Style – The Body (Part 6)
Warning – this is a bit controversial. When we have one of the three insecure attachment styles, we have what I like to think of as a ‘cellular memory’ of the energy of the relationship with the primary care giver …
Creating a Secure Attachment Style – Part 4
Usually we are subconsciously looking to the world to affirm our deepest beliefs about ourselves. This happens in a part of our brain called the reticular activating system. This part of the brain will notice things that align with our …
Creating a Secure Attachment Style – Part 3
DEVELOPING A COHERENT NARRATIVE ABOUT OUR LIFE. “Writing about important personal experiences in an emotional way for as little as 15 minutes over the course of three days brings about improvements in mental and psychical health” Pennebaker & Seagal, 1999. …
Creating a Secure Attachment Style – Part 2
How can I ‘re-parent’ my inner child? I know this part of me is present a lot in my life – but how do I work with it? Up until about 6 years old our brain waves are operating at …
Creating a Secure Attachment Style – Part 1
One of the ways you can create your own secure base internally and heal from the experience of having an insecure external home base in your mother as a child is through connecting with a powerful part of the self, …
The Dance of the Avoidant & the Anxiously Attached
I’ve had a lot of requests for more details about the avoidant / anxious dynamic. I hope this gives a bit more insight. If you think of every adult as having a child-like part and an adult-like part, there are …
How to be with a Partner Who Has Disorganised Attachment
They have a deep need for consistency – being a safe person is essential Understanding their fear in relationship They will have emotional ups and downs – allow space for this WITH boundaries When in an argument they may dissociate …
Tools for Those with a Disorganised Attachment Style
This attachment style is a combination of the previous two (avoidant and ambivalent/anxious). Disorganised children give inconsistent responses in the presence of their primary caregiver (often the mother). This is the result of inconsistent behaviour from the parent, sometimes the …
How to Be with A Partner Who Is Avoidantly Attached
People with avoidant attachment ARE able to love and be in fulfilling relationships. They subconsciously use avoidance as a way to protect themselves. It is an adaptation that has developed from childhood as a response to a caregiver (often the …