Nathanson (1992) presents a fabulous tool to show us how shame shows up. When we look at the middle axis of withdrawal and avoidance, we see two different behaviours. With withdrawal, there is hiding and disconnection. We know from research …
The VITAL Differences Between Shame And Guilt
In everyday language we often use the terms shame and guilt interchangeably, but research shows that there is a BIG difference between the two. Shame is more toxic than guilt. Why? Research has shown that shame is more focused on …
Shame Is The Fear Of Disconnection
Shame is a painful emotion that is created because of a sense of failure to meet a certain standard. It sounds like: “I’m a failure, I’m a terrible person, I’m useless”. They are absolute statements about the self that make …
Words Used To Shame And Prevent Assertiveness
A sure way to stop people being assertive is to shame them. As Brene Brown talks about so wonderfully in her book ‘Daring Greatly’, shame is pervasive in our culture. It limits innovation, true self-expression and stops us taking risks. …
Helpful Assertive Communication Examples
Sometimes finding the right words is tricky. I hope these slides will give you a feel for what an assertive conversation might sound like. A wonderful resource in the area of communication is Marshall Rosenberg’s ‘Non-Violent Communication’. I bought a …
What It Means To Be Assertive
Assertiveness is a skill that CAN be learnt. If you grew up in a home where assertiveness was not demonstrated it might be more difficult to understand and have an intuitive feel for it, and that is normal. If you …
The Journey From Passive To Assertive
Being assertive is NOT being bossy or selfish. Being assertive is knowing what you need for self-care and being able to create effective boundaries. It is having the confidence to speak up in the face of injustice. The world needs …
Despair Is Part Of Our Humanity
Irvin Yalom is a master of existential psychotherapy. I have always been drawn to philosophy and studied it as one of only three subjects in high school. I was totally intrigued by the deep and meaningful questions. Why was I …
What Can I Do About MY Passive Aggressive Behaviour?
Most passive aggressive people have usually learnt this form of communication / behaviour from their parents, or a parent. I find one of the major reasons for passive aggressive behaviour is essentially conflict avoidance. The thought of getting into a …
How To Cope With Passive Aggressive People
Let’s not beat around the bush…dealing with passive aggressive people can be REALLY tricky. I know because I grew up with some and I have been one at different times in my life. When someone is being passive aggressive, they …