Does your critical inner voice make you want to take a holiday from yourself? Did you grow up with critical parents? What were the comments that you heard? Did you get: You look fat in that. Nobody values you, why …
What You Can’t See in This Photograph
This is the first photograph of my little girl. She had just been handed to me. She was four and a half weeks early, but she was healthy and prefect. What a relief! But I was haemorrhaging. The placenta had …
How Fear Stops Us Connecting in Relationships
Deep listening involves: Imagining your partners world – Stepping into their shoes Hearing your partner – you don’t have to agree with what they are saying but take a moment to really HEAR them in a new way. Seeing the …
How do we Stop Arguing About the Same Thing?
Have you found yourself in relationship arguing about the same thing over and over with no outcome? If your answer is yes, you are not alone. Research has found that 69% of couples’ areas of disagreement are about UNRESOLVABLE problems. …
How to Develop a Strong Sense of Self
Discovering who we are and what our values are takes time and is an ever-evolving phenomenon. It is even harder in a culture where there are strong ideas about what we ‘should’ value, what we ‘should’ aspire to, even what …
Don’t Make Excuses for Your Needs
You may have grown up in an environment where it was not okay to have needs. It may be that your needs were denied and so you shut them down. As an adult you may judge yourself as weak for …
Instead of Threatening and Demanding, Answer These Questions
WHAT HAPPENED? Make this factual – e.g. He spoke to his ex-girlfriend last week. WHAT FEELINGS DO I HAVE ABOUT THIS? – This is not thoughts, but feelings (look up a feelings list if you want to get a clear …
Communicating Your Needs
But how do I ask for what I need? The most important part is KNOWING what you need. Often, we are not really clear what our needs are, they get mixed up in the jumble of what we DON’T want. …
Protest Behaviours
It is easy to hide behind unhealthy behaviours (like ignoring calls, making your partner jealous, game playing and temper tantrums). But is it ‘easier’ in the long run? To be honest in any relationship there has to be an element …
Healing Old Communication Styles
Healing old communication styles where we play games, push our partner away and DON’T get what we want. Here are some situations, some old communication styles, that don’t work, and some new ways to communicate to help get your needs …