Co-Regulation We are not born knowing how to soothe ourselves. We need to learn the felt sense of being soothed from someone who can bear our distress and stay regulated in their own nervous system. This is known as co-regulation. …
The Process of Reconnecting with your Needs.
If you grew up with a caregiver, who was not attuned to your needs, who put their needs before yours, over time, you learn to deny your needs. It can then be difficult to identify your needs as an adult …
Trauma and Hypoarousal
If you felt terror and couldn’t get away, it makes sense that your nervous system went into a freeze response. This is why you couldn’t run or scream, why you felt disconnected from your body. These experiences often cause shame. …
The Healing Journey
There is a cycle we all go through while we are healing. It is the cycle of discovery, healing and then growth. As we discover, it can be confronting. It can be confronting to watch yourself push your partner away …
We Can’t Expect Our Siblings to Validate Our Reality.
If this is something you have had to work with, talking to a therapist or other supportive people outside of your family can be incredibly affirming. Let me know if this is something you have experienced and how you have …
Communicating Your Needs
How do I ask for what I need? The most important part is KNOWING what you need. Often, we are not really clear about what our needs are. They get mixed up in the jumble of what we DON’T want. …
Protest Behaviours
Protest behaviours are ways of communicating. They have either been role modelled in your family of origin, or you have adapted them to stay safe in some way. For example, you might have witnessed your mother get angry about your …
Cyle Breakers Will Often Be Shamed In Their Family
There are many subtle ways the cycle breaker is shamed in the family; I hope the list above is helpful in spotting some of the behaviours. A big thank you to my Instagram community for adding to this list. …
Communicating Needs
BE HONEST – don’t hide your real needs for fear of being rejected, if you are rejected, this is a great indication you are not going to be happy in this relationship long term. If you are honest and accepted, …
Healing Old Communication Styles Where We Play Games, Push Our Partner Away And DON’T Get What We Want
Here are some situations, some old communication styles, that don’t work, and some new ways to communicate to help get your needs met. I hope you find them helpful! SITUATION – When you talk to them, they are not really …