When your abandonment wound is triggered, it will take great courage and strength to change your automatic behaviour to go into fear and worst-case scenario, but it CAN be done, over time, with love and practice. You can learn to re-wire your brain to create a scenario where moments of disconnection do not mean the end of the relationship and are not a trigger for your nervous system to go off. You can develop what is known as ‘earned secure attachment’ as an adult.
It is also important for you to choose a partner who is emotionally available, committed and has empathy, someone with a secure attachment style. This will make it easier for you to be vulnerable as you learn to share your fears and identify your needs and share them.
People with an anxious attachment style often have beautiful hearts. They are highly attuned to their partner and sensitive to their needs and have strong empathy. The trick is not to lose themselves in the relationship.
So much love to you all, Jen
Attachment theory by John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth & Main & Solomon