Category: Relationships

The Cycle Breakers Circle

The Cycle Breakers Circle

October 15, 2024

his is the cycle we all go through on any healing journey. We need to discover where we are stuck and what we inherited from our parents and childhood. Then we need to attend to and heal those wounded parts, …

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Using your body to attune

Using Your Body To Attune

October 15, 2024

This is what we call deep empathy, and it’s like a nourishing fertilizer for relationships, helping them grow and thrive. ⁣⁣The body is infinitely wise. ⁣Much love, Jen

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Corrective experiences: I feel like I am being too much - I am not too much for this person. They lean in when I think I am ‘too much’. I am usually ignored - I can feel that I am being heard, felt and understood. I typically feel disconnected from others - I feel more connected and safe with this person than usual. My needs are often at the bottom of the pile - Someone is asking what I need and prioritising my needs.

Corrective Experiences

September 23, 2024

As a therapist, I know about the importance of corrective experiences. They help create a different template of how we are treated and what that feels like. Staying with corrective experiences and leaning into them is a big part of …

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One of the most powerful gifts you can give your child is to admit when you've made a mistake and then ask for a redo.

A Gift for Your Child

September 23, 2024

A redo sounds like: “That came out way too harsh. Can I say it again in a kinder voice?” This teaches your child a few things:

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Self-Awareness Archetypes

Self-Awareness Archetypes

September 9, 2024

These archetypes come from the research of Dr. Tasha Eurich (2019). She has a fabulous TEDx talk called ‘Increase your Self-Awareness with One Simple Fix’. ⁣ She says that 95% of people believe they are self-aware, but only 10% — …

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Blocks to Self-Awareness Two things that block INTERNAL self-awareness First - SELF-CRITICISM. When we are internally self-aware but immediately move into self-criticism, it becomes a painful experience that we may not want to repeat. This could sound like: "I’m aware I’m feeling angry about work, but I am taking it out on my partner. I'm a terrible person; I'll always be alone". Self-criticism blocks the self-awareness. The second thing that blocks INTERNAL self-awareness is the FEAR OF FEELING EMOTIONS. When we are internally self-aware and big, scary feelings come up that feel uncontrollable, we might think that it is safer not to look or only look for a second.

Blocks To Self-Awareness

September 9, 2024

True self-awareness takes courage. We have to be ready to look within and find things we don’t like and/or feel unable to change. Sometimes, self-awareness can feel like a punishing party. This is why I am a huge advocate for …

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What is Self-Awareness?

What is Self-Awareness?

September 9, 2024

Dr. Tasha Eurich (2019) in her research, differentiates between internal and external self-awareness. ⁣ Internal self-awareness can be cultivated through:⁣ While gathering external data we have to bear in mind that the other person is seeing you through their own …

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Parts that block listening

Parts That Block Listening

September 9, 2024

As the listener, you must first notice the part of you formulating your response. This part is likely to be a protector in your system. This part is probably trying to protect you in some way. It might be protecting …

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“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it's our greatest measure of courage.” Brené Brown

Brené Brown Quote

September 9, 2024

We meet vulnerability every time we do something new.  How much vulnerability did you feel today? That’s how courageous you are! Big love,  Jen

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Let’s say that you said you were going to tidy up today, and it gets to the end of the day, and you haven't done it,t and you know that you haven't kept your word and need to apologise. Before you apologise, take a moment to ask the other person how your action or non-action has impacted them. This might sound like, “I know I said I would tidy up today, and I haven't. But before I start explaining why I haven't done it and apologise, I want to hear about how this has impacted you.” They might share that they feel let down and don't want to feel like they are living in a huge mess; it’s stressful.” I might respond with empathy, “Yes, I get that. It makes sense that you would feel let down and don't like everything being a mess. I get it. I would probably feel the same in your situation.” It takes courage to listen to how your actions have impacted someone else, but it makes for a much more complete repair. If we apologise too soon, we are apologising for our assumed impact, not the actual impact we have caused.

Before You Apologise Do This…

September 6, 2024

Before apologising, ask the other person to share the IMPACT it has had on them. Life changing. Love, Jen (Inspired by a lecture given at IFS Level 1 training by Emma Diamond – Australia)

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