Why Do People Ghost?

Ghosting hurts. A study conducted by Plenty of Fish (a dating site) in 2016 found that 78% of millennials aged 18-33 had been ghosted. 78%!!!!!! 

Imagine that you are in a relationship with someone, and suddenly you stop hearing from them. There has been no fight or conflict. As far as you know, everything is ticking along as usual and then nothing—radio silence. No messages, no calls. You wonder if something has happened to them. You think about calling one of their friends to check that they are okay. 

Then it occurs to you that maybe they have ended the relationship without telling you. Would they do that? You start going over the relationship. Did I miss something? 

Why would someone do this? Don’t you deserve at the very least a goodbye conversation? 

If you are a ghoster, remember that ghosting hurts. Closure is important in relationships. Take a moment and stand in the other person’s shoes. How might they feel? The only way we can improve our relational skills is to show up in relationships, even for the messy bits. Having a conversation to end the relationship might be stressful, but it is likely to benefit you and the other person involved.

And if your inner dialogue is “we were not that serious anyway, there is nothing to ‘end’”, know that if you have been regularly texting, you have been creating relational energy. There is a flow and an expectation. There is something to complete and end. You can do hard things.

Love, Jen