Feelings want to be understood and be in connection, when we stuff them down, that’s when problems arise, and we get surprised.
We can get really creative about HOW we stuff them down. I might be overeating, overworking, or causing fights so we are constantly distracted and distressed.
Emotions are like people. They are part of us that is yearning to be connected with, heard and understood. Can you imagine having a good friend who was upset and telling them to go away? Or telling them to go eat a whole tub of ice cream and that will make you feel better? NO! Of course not, yet this is what we do to ourselves over and over again with our emotions.
Why do we do this? Usually, this is what we have learned from our parents. They have not role modelled HOW to experience emotions in a healthy way, so we have learned to copy their coping styles. OR we developed our coping styles in response to their dysfunctional behaviour. Either way, we end up with few skills in relation to our emotional being.
What do I do now? This is the point of opportunity and power. This is the point where you say ‘no more’. I am ready to try something different.
Remember that any change in habit takes time and practice and the best way to learn anything new is with someone who has already embodied the practices. This is why I recommend seeing a psychotherapist to learn new skills. Once you have these skills, you have them for life!
I am reticent to give practices here because anxiety is so pervasive, and no two people are alike. What will work wonders for one, will be difficult and increase anxiety for another. This is why it is best to see a therapist to get going.
If you would like to learn some practices that would suit you, please book a one-on-one session. I do online sessions too.