When we have been raised in an unhealthy environment, when we have experienced neglect, abuse, invalidation, narcissism, conflict or violence, as adults there is still part of us that is expecting the same behaviour from those we love.
We learn that love looks and feels like conflict, neglect and violence. Sometimes it can be very difficult to know how a loving mother would respond to a situation because we have never experienced it. This is where therapy can be invaluable, in role modelling what a functional parent sounds and feels like.
In therapy we can learn to self-reparent. We learn how to be present with the scared and lonely inner child who feels not good enough, rejected and hurt. We learn to sit with her in painful moments, to acknowledge and validate the pain. We learn how to speak to ourselves in the form of the inner child, with the greatest love and compassion.
I have witnessed countless moments of deep healing occur in such moments. When we stop, connect with the deeply wounded part of self, and hold space for it, magic occurs. The narratives that we have lived with for so long, start to change, as we gain insight about the situation through our new adult lens.
Self-reparenting is one of the most powerful things I have ever done for myself.
Do you resonate with this?