Tag: Repair work

How SHAME Can Stop People Apologising: How SHAME Can Stop People Apologising: They can’t tolerate feeling they have done anything wrong - so they stay in denial and may gaslight you. They would rather end the relationship than feel any shame. To protect themselves, they carry on as if nothing happened and expect you to do the same. They say you can’t let go of something as a way to shame you into ignoring bad behaviour. Their ego can’t bear the thought of being wrong or needing to apologise. To hide from the shame, they will blame you for what happened.

How SHAME Can Stop People Apologising:

November 9, 2021

Everyone has a different relationship with shame, depending mainly on how they were raised.  Shame says, “I’m a terrible person”, and guilt says, “I did a terrible thing.” When you have DONE something wrong, you can repair it. When you …

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4 Step Apology

4 Step Apology

November 9, 2021

This might sound like: “I’m sorry I didn’t call to let you know I would be late for the show. That was thoughtless of me. Next time I’ll be sure to let you know. Can you forgive me?” Remember, when …

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Apologising Apologising doesn’t always mean that you’re wrong and the other person is right. It means you are willing to own the part you played in the spirit of healing the relationship.

Apologising

November 9, 2021

Please note that this doesn’t say, “I must apologise all the time to keep the peace.”  Owning our part is powerful. Even if we only own a tiny part.  Think back to the last time someone owned their part of …

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