There are often comments which, when boiled down, ask, “Why can’t you just be more like us?” When cycle breakers emerge, the resistance is usually overt AND covert. Overt in the things said to you and covert in the things …
Tag: family dynamics
Caregiving and Complicated Family Dynamics
There are 53 million Americans who are caregivers; 89% care for a relative or partner, with women representing 75% of all caregivers. A common dilemma sounds something like this, ‘my mum was abusive to me. Yes, we had a roof …
Implications of Childhood Trauma
Let’s expand the definition of trauma. Historically, we think of trauma as big events that caused stress and shock and impacted your old view of yourself and the world. This is big ‘T’ trauma. It has become more apparent that …
Family Dynamics During the Holiday Period
A good friend of mine used to joke that he could always test how much work he had done on himself the preceding year according to how much he got triggered during the holiday season. It’s true, you can spend …
How to Approach Family Discussions about Cycle Breaking
A lot of cycle breaking that takes place in families happens without much open discussion. Often families don’t have the language or willingness to discuss things that might be unhealthy for one or more members. Things that might prevent a …
Suggestions for Cycle Breakers Who Feel Shamed
As a cycle breaker, it is important to understand that most of the resistance to you being different and wanting to break away from the family is based in FEAR. The underlying habit for many family systems is to shame …
Feeling Shamed as a Family Cycle Breaker
There are often comments which, when boiled down, ask “why can’t you just be more like us?” When cycle breakers emerge, the resistance is usually overt AND covert. Overt in the things that are said to you, and covert in …
A ‘Cycle Breaker’ is Someone Who …
Who are the CYCLE BREAKERS out there? Generational patterns repeat throughout a family because people tend to parent how they were parented. Being the ‘cycle breaker’ in a family is not an easy role, and it is often not chosen …
Experiences of a Scapegoat
A friend of mine was labelled the scapegoat in her family. She was repeatedly told that she was too volatile and ‘crazy.’ She was a scapegoat for everything, including things that had absolutely nothing to do with her. It took …
Black Sheep: The Scapegoat
With the presence of a designated scapegoat, there may be a lot of hidden dysfunction. It can be much easier to hide an abusive marriage with the presence of a child who has problems and is constantly misbehaving, etc. No …