Trust is the foundation of any relationship. It is difficult to be truly vulnerable with someone you don’t trust. Trust isn’t built overnight; it takes time. In a relationship, many small moments added together become the building blocks of trust. …
Tag: Criticism
![Turning Criticism into a complaint](https://i0.wp.com/cdn1.jennynurick.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/1-6-scaled.jpg?fit=650%2C650&ssl=1)
Turning Criticism into a Complaint
If you grew up with a lot of criticism around you, you likely have a loud, critical voice in your head as an adult. Usually, that critical voice is directed inwards, but in intimate relationships, many people find that the …
![Tips to become less defensive](https://i0.wp.com/cdn1.jennynurick.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/1-5-scaled.jpg?fit=650%2C650&ssl=1)
Tips to Become Less Defensive
The four communication styles that have a negative impact on your relationships: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Everyone will have a favoured method. Mine is defensiveness. Defensiveness is a response to criticism and tends to increase conflict because the other …
![Break the Cycle of Toxic Criticism and Defensiveness](https://i0.wp.com/cdn1.jennynurick.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/1-4-scaled.jpg?fit=650%2C650&ssl=1)
Break the Cycle of Toxic Criticism and Defensiveness
When someone comes at you with criticism, the natural response is to defend. Criticism is a form of attack, so it is natural to protect instinctively unless you know how criticism and defensiveness play out in a relationship. Those of …
![Breaking the Shame Cycle When children don’t receive the love and attunement they need from caregivers, they will often assume it is something to do with them, that they are flawed somehow. This often carries over into adulthood, in the form of low self-esteem and feelings of deep shame. The experiences that created these feelings repeatedly happened over the years, so it makes sense that it takes a while to heal. Know that the cycle can end with you.](https://i0.wp.com/cdn1.jennynurick.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/Screenshot-2021-11-08-at-14.12.45.png?fit=370%2C373&ssl=1)
Breaking the Shame Cycle
Shame is often transmitted through family lines. Parents use shame-based parenting, the children grow up with shame and use shame-based parenting, and the pattern is repeated. Shame is something that comes up in therapy regularly. One of the most powerful …
![3 Tips for when you are feeling defensive: Ask yourself where you CAN take some responsibility in this situation? (Not doing this can result in forms of gaslighting). Is the complaint or criticism real, or am I making it personal to me? How can I hear what my partner is trying to tell me? How can I validate their experience before I try to share my own?](https://i0.wp.com/cdn1.jennynurick.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/25_02_2021_3-Tips-to-Reduce-Your-Defensiveness-copy-scaled.jpg?fit=650%2C650&ssl=1)
3 Tips to Reduce Your Defensiveness
The four communication styles that have a negative impact on your relationships: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. Everyone will have a favoured method. Mine is defensiveness. Defensiveness is a response to criticism and tends to increase conflict because the other …
![How to Shift a Criticism into a Complaint for More Effective Communication Criticism “You are so lazy and disrespectful; you leave all your dirty clothes all over the place.” Complaint “I feel sad when you leave your dirty clothes on the floor. I need you to put them in the basket.” Criticism "You are always spending too much money; you are completely unreliable". Complaint "I feel hurt and scared when you overspend. I need you to stick to the budget we agreed."](https://i0.wp.com/cdn1.jennynurick.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/23_02_2021_How-to-Shift-a-Criticism-into-a-Complaint-for-More-Effective-Communication-copy-scaled.jpg?fit=650%2C650&ssl=1)
How to Shift a Criticism into a Complaint for More Effective Communication
If you grew up with a lot of criticism around you, as an adult it is likely that you have a loud critical voice in your head. Usually that critical voice is directed inwards, but in intimate relationships, many people …
![How to Escape the Toxic Criticism and Defensiveness Cycle Criticism: “You are so lazy and disrespectful; you leave all your dirty clothes all over the place.” Antidote: “I” statements: “I feel _________ about __________. I need ___________.” “I feel upset and sad when you leave your dirty clothes on the floor. I need you to put them in the basket.” Defensiveness: “It’s just a few things at the end of the day, nothing to get so worked up about.” Antidote: Taking some responsibility, even if it is just a little. “I hear you are annoyed/sad; I can be a bit messy sometimes.” Remember: Listen, validate, accept some responsibility, what can we / I change?](https://i0.wp.com/cdn1.jennynurick.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/1-4-scaled.jpg?fit=650%2C650&ssl=1)
How to Escape the Toxic Criticism and Defensiveness Cycle
When someone comes at you with criticism, the natural response is to defend. Criticism is a form of attack, so it is natural to protect instinctively unless you know how criticism and defensiveness play out in a relationship. Those of …
![4 Ways of Communicating that will Destroy your Relationship](https://i0.wp.com/cdn1.jennynurick.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/1-3-1-scaled.jpg?fit=650%2C650&ssl=1)
4 Ways of Communicating That Will Destroy Your Relationship
The Gottman’s have spent 40 years studying couple and relationships. They found four communication styles predict the failure of a relationship. The Gottman’s call them the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. First, to begin to work with our communication style, …