We can only begin to heal from the ‘submit’ response when we are out of the abusive environment that caused it. Safety is the main priority, and if we are not safe, our nervous system is not safe to relax …
Tag: attachment theory
I Stay Too Long In The Wrong Relationships
Most of us have been conditioned to ignore or block out our feelings and our bodies. Part of finding our way back to health and wholeness is through reconnecting with our thoughts and feelings in a healthy way. We can …
Relationships are a Co-creation.
It is a fairytale to expect that love, desire and connection will be provided by our partner all of the time. That they will be able and willing to attend to us all of the time, to attune to us …
Disrupted Attachment Styles
As adults, this can be incredibly confusing. You might wonder what is wrong with you. You know that you haven’t experienced maltreatment as a child (not that you can remember). Okay, it wasn’t perfect, but it wasn’t that bad either. …
How to Recognise a SECURE PERSON if you Have Grown Up in Chaos
This video is in response to a lot of questions I get about recognising securely attached people. First, it IS challenging to recognise secure people when you have grown up in chaos. There is no template for what secure and …
Attachment Wounds CAN Come From Adult Relationships
Attachment wounds don’t only come from your childhood, they can also be formed in adulthood. Remember that attachment wounds are relational wounds. This means that they happened in a relationship with another person. When we are hurt deeply enough for …
Our Need to Stay Connected
We need connection. There is no more potent time in our lives that we need connection than in our childhood. We need connection as children to survive. Without connection, we die. It is that simple. To stay connected as children, …
The Need For Connection Is The Need to Survive In A Amall Child
As small children, we have to stay connected to our carers to stay alive. Without them, we die. It’s simple. This is why they say ‘we are wired for connection’, we are. When we grow up with caregivers who are …
Anxious Attachment and the Danger of People Pleasing
The fear of being abandoned can feel worse than the fear of death. Just the thought of that person leaving you might make you feel like you will throw up, that you will never want to engage with the world …
What is Attachment Anxiety?
Attachment anxiety is when we learn as children that we can’t depend on the adults around us, so we adapt our behaviour to suit the situation we are experiencing in that relationship to stay alive, fed and loved. One adaptation …