Seeing the Safer Parent Clearly

This is not about blaming the safer parent. This is about acknowledging a phase in the healing process where suddenly the rose-coloured glasses come off, and you see the safer parent for the human that they are. 

We need rose-coloured glasses when we are a child. We need to be able to attach to the safer parent. When we are adults, we don’t need those glasses any more. We have other secure and supportive connections and can take care of our basic needs. 

When, in therapy, those glasses come off, it can be a shock to see the safer parent, often the mother, as she really was: an enabler, scared, depressed, stuck or weak. 

The next phase in the healing journey is to integrate this new insight into the overall image of who that parent is without taking the good things away. They can be weak AND kind. They can be an enabler AND a supportive grandmother. 

Working through childhood trauma is filled with contradiction and complexity and is best done with a fully trained, trauma-informed therapist. When trauma is held in a safe place, it CAN be healed, and the wounded parts of you liberated. 

  • seeing the safer parent clearly