Creating healthy boundaries in your relationships IS something that can be learned as an adult. As adults, even people who grew up with healthy boundaries will need to enforce those boundaries as they encounter different people with different boundary styles.
So, this is for EVERYONE!
Get into the habit of checking in with yourself regularly.
When we have grown up in a chaotic environment, we have learned to close down in different ways to stay safe.
Before we can put a boundary in place, we need to know that a boundary is required. One way to find out is to learn to listen to the body:
Learn to notice when you feel SAFE and the FELT sensations in your body when you feel safe.
- How does my tummy feel?
- How does my head feel?
- How does my chest feel?
- How do my legs & arms feel?
Learn to notice when you feel UNSAFE and the FELT sensations in your body when you feel unsafe.
- How does my tummy feel?
- How does my head feel?
- How does my chest feel?
- How do my legs & arms feel?
You don’t have to know why you feel unsafe. It is just about recognising that in that moment, for some reason, you feel unsafe. Then to notice the FELT sensations in the body that correlate to this feeling of unsafe.
Whenever you feel unsafe, there could be an opportunity for a boundary to be put in place. This might be with yourself or with someone else. It might be leaving a conversation or deciding you would like to leave the place where you are.
If you struggle to connect with any felt sensations in your body when you feel unsafe, this might be a trauma response. Working with a therapist to de-frost the body is powerful work when you feel ready.
Love Jen
