Research in relationships shows that men find it more difficult than women to accept influence from their partners (see J. Gottman’s research). But, let’s face it, we can all love to win, and we are living in a culture that …
The Need To Be Right Can Be Damaging To Your Relationship
As the recipient, you have a choice to keep arguing back and prove your point, with the knowledge that you will never be right, so you are fighting a losing battle or giving in. Neither seems very appealing in the …
Post Argument Tips: Reconnecting after an Argument
We all know that uncomfortable feeling a few minutes after a heated discussion. The argument’s energy is hanging in the air, and you are both processing what was said. If your trauma response has been activated, you might be calming …
Self-Soothing
Self-soothing is one of the most important life skills we can learn. So many of us did not learn this vital skill from our parents. They were distracted, absent, or unable to soothe their child because they couldn’t soothe themselves. …
Prince Harry, A Cycle Breaker
I recently read Prince Harry’s book, ‘Spare’. What I loved about this book was the obvious intergenerational healing that is taking place by Harry being a cycle breaker. Now, I know many of you will have big opinions about this, …
Why Your Nervous System might be Dysregulated
We are continually subconsciously ‘reading’ our environment with our nervous system to assess its safety. Dr Stephen Porges calls this ‘neuroception’. It then adjusts our behaviour to keep us safe. We will respond appropriately to the environment, including our thoughts …
Unsolvable Relationship Conflicts
According to the Gottman’s (excellent relationship researchers), 69% of relationship conflict is unsolvable. These are perpetual problems that stem from fundamental differences in beliefs or personality. They will be something that you return to as a couple repeatedly and often …
Regulating your Nervous System
Adults who have experienced trauma at an early age are prone to experiencing dysregulation of the nervous system, especially when stressed. Dysregulation is known to be linked to depression, addiction, anxiety and emotional outbursts. The good news is that we …
Parenting Tips From A 10-Year-Old
This is an oldie, but a goodie. This conversation was totally unprompted, she had no idea what I was going to ask her. How amazing is it that the first thing she says is tone and softness of voice! This …
Understanding The Autonomic Nervous System
Our nervous system functions are essential because it affects how we are physically and emotionally and how quickly we can bring ourselves back into balance after a shock or a triggering event. The autonomic nervous system (ANS) is part of …