Cultivating Emotional Intelligence

Emotional quotient (EQ) is the ability to understand and process your emotions in a positive way to release stress, empathise with others, communicate effectively and work through conflicts. People with a high EQ have a high level of self-awareness and self-regulation. 

Self-regulation is something we learn in childhood. If we have attuned parents who come to us when we need soothing, their nervous system calms us down. As we grow up, we learn to do that for ourselves. If we have had an insecure attachment to the primary caregiver as a child, we may not have learned to self-soothe and self-regulate effectively. It IS possible to learn these skills as adults either alone, or with a therapist.

Empathy is also a vital component of EQ. Empathy is the ability to stand in someone else’s shoes and imagine how the world is for them. If you grew up in an environment where the adults around you were inconsistent and unsafe, it might have been destabilising to stand in their shoes and allow yourself to feel what they feel. It might have been safer to shut down to other people’s experiences that were too overwhelming for a child to handle or process. 

If this was the case it is NORMAL that empathy might be difficult for you. As an adult, in a safe environment, empathy can be learned. If empathy is something you would like help cultivating, I highly recommend working with a therapist. Someone who understands attachment wounding and is able to help you become securely attached.

Much love on your healing journey.


  • Cultivating Emotional Intelligence Learning Assertive communication Learning to communicate in a direct way whilst respecting others.