Anxious attachment is a healthy adaptation. All behaviour, when viewed through the lens of your history, makes sense. Always.
As children, when met with inconsistency in our caregivers are faced with two choices. Either stay close to the carer and hope our needs will be met, or move away and take care of ourselves. When needs are sometimes met and sometimes not, the child usually chooses to stay close. When the child is shamed or rejected for trying to be close or met with no response, the child will move away and stop reaching out for connection.
All children will adapt to survive and get their needs met. It is not a logical choice. It is an adaptive response.
I discuss this in-depth in my upcoming book “Heal Your Anxious Attachment”. Lands Feb 2024. I can’t wait for it to reach the people who need it. It has been a big service project for me.
Heaps of love to all,
Jen
