How We Learn Empathy How We Learn Empathy. If you grew up in an environment where the adults around you were inconsistent and unsafe, it might have been destabilising to stand in their shoes and to allow yourself to feel what they feel. It might have been safer to shut down to other people’s experiences that were too overwhelming for a child to handle or process. If this was the case it is NORMAL that EMPATHY might be difficult for you. As an adult, in a safe environment, empathy can be learned. Empathy is the ability to feel compassion for other people., it involves being sensitive to the feelings of others and reacting with that information in mind. If you have had children, you will know that in the early years children seem to have little compassion or ability to know what other people are experiencing. It is a skill which develops. Researchers have found that it is not a skill that can be developed in isolation, like walking, it is much more complex and requires appropriate modelling by adults and peers. It also requires us to be able to imagine and assess emotional experiences. So the good news it that it CAN be learnt.

How We Learn Empathy

October 14, 2022 0 Comments

If we grew up with unsafe and unattuned caregivers, it is a NORMAL adaptation to be reticent to ‘stand in someone else’s shoes’ and allow yourself to feel empathy.

Imagine having a mother who is an alcoholic. Most of the time she is neglectful, she will leave you crying for hours with no attention. Eventually, you stop crying and even trying to get attention. Sometimes, when she is drinking, she is unpredictable, she might go out without telling you all night and leave you home alone and scared. 

As a safety mechanism, you stop yourself from feeling. Stop yourself from having needs and cut yourself off from her, and everyone else, emotionally. This interrupts of the natural development of empathy.

Empathy IS something that can be developed as an adult. Interesting fact: research has shown that reading works by Dickens increases our empathy by helping us attune to others’ emotions. Who knew!

Have a wonderful weekend and let me know what you did today to increase your empathy.

Love Jen

Reference: Kidd, D. C. & Castano, E. (2013). Reading literary fiction improves theory of mind. Science, 342; 377-380.

CategoriesHealing, Psychotherapy, Wellness
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