Dark Night of the Soul

Fifteen years ago today, I married my best friend. It was, hands down, the hardest thing I have ever done.

We came from different socioeconomic backgrounds, different cultures, different countries, but hardest of all, we came from different religions.

We did both speak English as our first language, and we were in the same life stage, but everything else was like “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”. I love that movie, it is like watching someone else live my life. Some of the details are different, of course, but there are a lot of similarities.

We dated for over three years and were engaged for a year before we were married. It was the hardest year of my life, my dark night of the soul. In the deepest part of my being, I knew I wanted to be with this man and have a family with him, but I wasn’t sure I could manage his family. It was a terrible place to be, there was so much anger and pain. I was scared by the volume of my own feelings, indignation, and outrage. 

I didn’t have the tools to manage the volume of emotions that were coming up daily. I started to feel out of control for the first time in my life. I was going over the same issues again and again in my mind and not getting any answers or closure. I was in my own personal hell.

As my family were all living overseas, I think it was my friendships that got me through and my personal work. I was studying energetic healing and kinesiology and started to see a healer during this time. She was incredibly supportive for me at the time (thank you Nicole Rigato).

I am sure many people at our wedding wondered if we would last. It had been such an incredibly difficult journey. Not only have we lasted, we have thrived. We have two beautiful children who light up our lives, we giggle and play together, we have adventures together, the spark is still alive in our marriage. It has not always been easy, but we are committed to each other and to our marriage.

It is that dark night that led me to become a healer and a therapist. Out of the pain came so much good, for me and others.

I am so grateful to my husband for being who he is, for being brave enough to choose me under very difficult circumstances. It makes for a great true love story! Love won!!!