*Trigger warning for this one*
It was difficult for me to speak about my birth trauma for a long time for a few reasons.
Firstly, it felt ungrateful to acknowledge it. I had a baby. Who was I to complain about how she arrived and the impact that had on me?
Secondly, I didn’t feel like anyone wanted to hear it. It was all about the beautiful new baby.
Thirdly, I was an energetic healer at the time. Surely, I should have the most amazing birthing experience being a healer?
She was 4.5 weeks early, and she was suddenly in a vulnerable position. The labour had to be induced. I was trying to be strong and positive, but inside I was terrified. The labour started slowly and then was incredibly intense. At one point, I remember thinking I would rather be dead than going through so much pain. I had enough mind training to push that out of my head – but I remember that moment clearly.
Then she was born. Screaming. She was fine. Relief.
Then, for the placenta. The umbilical cord snaps.
Hemorrhaging.
Dark blood pouring out.
Alarms going off.
People rushing around.
Someone takes my baby.
I’m rushed into the emergency room.
It all goes dark.
I know that I’m not alone in my birth trauma, and I wonder how many other women have struggled to find safe places to share.
Know that you are not alone.
I see you
Love, Jen
