When we are growing up, we get used to the relational distance between us and our caregivers. We chose a distance that feels safe. We do whatever we need to do to maintain the ‘safe distance’, close enough where I am fed, but not close enough that I will be hurt.
As children, we will take on lots of different adaptations to maintain safety. This is normal.
So, what happens when we grow up and form new relationships? We use these same strategies to maintain the same distance.
Why do we do this with loving, attuned people? This is where the subconscious comes into play. Part of us cannot trust that this is a safe person. You might not have any gauge of what a safe person feels like. You just know that you feel vulnerable and so NOT safe. You push them away and end up in a painful repeating cycle.
If you recognise this cycle you will love my upcoming course ‘Relationship Cycle Breakers’ that starts next week. It is a six-week deep dive into healing unhelpful relationship patterns. To find out more and get your Early Bird Discount, click here
If repeating cycles of relationship issues resonate with you, let me know in the comments.