When conflict exists between two adults — often parents — and remains unresolved in a healthy way, a child can be drawn into the tension. This is called triangulation.
It typically begins with an unspoken or unresolved conflict in the primary relationship. Rather than working through it directly, one or both parents turn to the child for emotional support, validation, or alliance.
The child may be subtly encouraged — or overtly pressured — to take sides. They might become their parents’ confidant, emotional caretaker, or even a messenger between the adults. Over time, this can lead to emotional enmeshment with one parent and withdrawal or distance from the other.
For the child, this dynamic is incredibly confusing. They feel responsible, anxious, and often guilty, especially if they care deeply for both parents. They learn to prioritise harmony over authenticity, to manage other people’s emotions, and to neglect their own.
If you recognise this pattern in your childhood, you are not alone. It’s not your fault. And you don’t have to keep carrying the emotional weight that wasn’t yours to begin with.
Awareness is the first step.
Boundaries and repair are possible.
Healing happens one layer at a time.
Love, Jen 🪷
Join the Free Cycle Breaker Training
In this free online training, Jenny walks you through the hidden patterns that keep you repeating the same painful cycles in love and relationships — and shows you exactly what it takes to break them. No cost, no commitment.