The Dynamic Between The Disorganised And The Securely Attached

Of course, you don’t outwardly want to recreate your childhood chaos. You hope to have left that far behind. But your subconscious wants to recreate what it knows: insecurity, instability, danger and even abuse.

You are used to chaos, to lots of adrenaline, to NOT getting your needs met, so when you do, it feels boring.

For the secure partner, they feel CONFUSED. They are into you; they let you know they like you and want a relationship. One day you seem totally into the relationship, and everything is ‘on’, and the next day you are shouting at them for not texting them back immediately. They assume you were with another person; they are totally triggered and dysregulated. 

This is their trauma. It is normal when they have experienced an abusive childhood to have this kind of experience in an intimate relationship, to want to be close and run away simultaneously.

If you have a disorganised style, know that you CAN heal from this with time and focus. See some of my previous posts on attachment. 

Know that you didn’t deserve what happened to you as a child. You were just a child. You deserve love, intimacy and peace. Know that you CAN heal.

If you know you have one of the insecure attachment styles, you will love module 1 and 2 of the Relationship Cycle Breakers Course. Click the link in my bio to find out more and access my free training.

Xx Jen

*Attachment theory by John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth & Main & Solomon