The added bonus with this is that your kids learn by example. When they see you have a re-do, they learn that they can and will make mistakes, and it really is okay because there is a way to repair …
Tag: Repair
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Why Warriors Lie Down and Die
This book, Why Warriors Lie Down and Die, has changed my life. It was recommended to me by someone who grew up in the Northern Territory with Aboriginal people. It answers many of the questions people have when they say …
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What To Say If You Made A Mistake Or Regret How You Behaved.
We all make mistakes. The magic is in the repair. Sometimes it is hard to find the words to start. I hope you find these helpful. Love to all, Jen
![How SHAME Can Stop People Apologising: How SHAME Can Stop People Apologising: They can’t tolerate feeling they have done anything wrong - so they stay in denial and may gaslight you. They would rather end the relationship than feel any shame. To protect themselves, they carry on as if nothing happened and expect you to do the same. They say you can’t let go of something as a way to shame you into ignoring bad behaviour. Their ego can’t bear the thought of being wrong or needing to apologise. To hide from the shame, they will blame you for what happened.](https://i0.wp.com/cdn1.jennynurick.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/08_11_2021_How-SHAME-Can-Stop-People-Apologising-copy-1-scaled.jpg?fit=650%2C650&ssl=1)
How SHAME Can Stop People Apologising:
Everyone has a different relationship with shame, depending mainly on how they were raised. Shame says, “I’m a terrible person”, and guilt says, “I did a terrible thing.” When you have DONE something wrong, you can repair it. When you …
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4 Step Apology
This might sound like: “I’m sorry I didn’t call to let you know I would be late for the show. That was thoughtless of me. Next time I’ll be sure to let you know. Can you forgive me?” Remember, when …
![Apologising Apologising doesn’t always mean that you’re wrong and the other person is right. It means you are willing to own the part you played in the spirit of healing the relationship.](https://i0.wp.com/cdn1.jennynurick.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/05_11_2021_Apology--scaled.jpg?fit=650%2C650&ssl=1)
Apologising
Please note that this doesn’t say, “I must apologise all the time to keep the peace.” Owning our part is powerful. Even if we only own a tiny part. Think back to the last time someone owned their part of …
![What To Say If You Made A Mistake Or Regret How You Behaved. I really crossed a line. I understand why you are so upset. I’m so sorry. Can we start again? I’m not sure where our conversation went wrong. Could you help me understand? I was feeling angry from work, and it came out at you. You didn't deserve that, and I’m sorry. I’m going to work on that behaviour. I realised that I didn’t really listen to what you had to say. I realise how that might have felt disrespectful, and I deeply regret it. It was hard for me to hear what you said, and I took it personally. I’m sorry I behaved badly. It won’t happen again. You have every right to be upset. My behaviour was out of order.](https://i0.wp.com/cdn1.jennynurick.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/01_11_2021_What-To-Say-If-You-Made-A-Mistake-Or-Regret-How-You-Behaved.-copy-scaled.jpg?fit=650%2C650&ssl=1)
What To Say If You Made A Mistake Or Regret How You Behaved.
We all mess up from time to time. Remember, it is not the conflict that defines a relationship. The magic is in the repair. How well do you repair? When we have made a mistake, we have usually done something …
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11 Signs you are Growing Apart
Relationships take work. They need to be fed and nurtured in order to remain satisfying for both parties. Often the process of drifting apart is gradual. When we find ourselves growing apart, we need to decide if we are going …
![How to Reconnect After an Argument I felt pretty angry when we were having that conversation. I'm sorry if that pushed you away. I'm feeling quite disconnected right now and a bit scared. Could I have a hug? I'm not sure we resolved anything there. Could we try to discuss it again in a different way tomorrow? That was quite an intense discussion for me. Can we just sit together and have some tea? You feel distant after that conversation. Is there anything you need? Laugh about something unrelated. Talk about something else that is neutral for you both, like the gardening or a movie you watched.](https://i0.wp.com/cdn1.jennynurick.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/19_03_2021_How-to-Reconnect-After-an-Argument-copy-scaled.jpg?fit=650%2C650&ssl=1)
How to Reconnect After an Argument
We all know that uncomfortable few minutes after a heated discussion. The argument’s energy is hanging in the air, and you are both processing what was said. If your trauma response has been activated, you might be calming your nervous …
![How to Escape the Toxic Criticism and Defensiveness Cycle Criticism: “You are so lazy and disrespectful; you leave all your dirty clothes all over the place.” Antidote: “I” statements: “I feel _________ about __________. I need ___________.” “I feel upset and sad when you leave your dirty clothes on the floor. I need you to put them in the basket.” Defensiveness: “It’s just a few things at the end of the day, nothing to get so worked up about.” Antidote: Taking some responsibility, even if it is just a little. “I hear you are annoyed/sad; I can be a bit messy sometimes.” Remember: Listen, validate, accept some responsibility, what can we / I change?](https://i0.wp.com/cdn1.jennynurick.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/1-4-scaled.jpg?fit=650%2C650&ssl=1)
How to Escape the Toxic Criticism and Defensiveness Cycle
When someone comes at you with criticism, the natural response is to defend. Criticism is a form of attack, so it is natural to protect instinctively unless you know how criticism and defensiveness play out in a relationship. Those of …