As the listener, you must first notice the part of you formulating your response. This part is likely to be a protector in your system. This part is probably trying to protect you in some way. It might be protecting …
Tag: listening
Checking In
Ask each other, ‘How are you really doing? What’s on your mind?’ Listen with empathy, without rushing to solve or judge.” When do you do this as a couple?
I’m Trying To Make Them Understand
Have you ever found yourself repeating yourself and trying to say the same thing in a hundred different ways to be understood? I know I have.
Feeling Unheard
I thought point 1 in yesterday’s post, ‘unrealistic relationship expectations: my partner should be able to read my mind’, was worth unpacking. It is often the case that we think we are making our needs clear when our partner has …
Letting Go Of The Need To Be Right
Research in relationships shows that men find it more difficult than women to accept influence from their partners (see J. Gottman’s research). But, let’s face it, we can all love to win, and we are living in a culture that …
Considering the Perspective of Others
When we take on the perspective of someone else, a whole network of brain regions becomes activated. The dorsomedial and dorsolateral prefrontal cortices, the temporoparietal junction and the precuneus. These areas are responsible for memory, attention, social cognition, integration and …
Tips for Being Assertive
TEXT The first step in being assertive is to know our needs. If we are uncertain about our needs, we will find others are too. We will find it challenging to communicate our needs, and when we do, we will …
Deep Attunement for Trauma
THIS IS THE WORK. As a therapist, it is my job to be deeply attuned to my clients, notice when they are becoming distressed, and assist them in returning to their window of tolerance. I like to think of it …