Thank you for telling us how you feel.
These are all from YOU—every one of them. When I asked in my stories what you would like to have heard instead of your friends and family’s shaming, the response was overwhelming. When I added the responses to stories a few days later, many of you felt validated and relieved you are not alone.
When a family is stuck in a pattern, a repeating cycle of shaming, (which is sometimes conscious and sometimes unconscious), it can be difficult to imagine what the person needs to hear.
My hope is that this list reaches people who are ready to shift out of their unconscious cycles of shaming and subtle control.
When we are able to hear, not necessarily agree with, but deeply hear someone who is in pain and validate their pain, the relief for the other person can be enormous.
It might sound like: “I don’t understand what you are feeling, but I acknowledge it and the pain you feel.” This simple statement can be profoundly healing for someone who has had their reality denied for a long time.
People will often deny our reality when they don’t have the capacity to handle their shame or our emotions. At some point in our healing journey, we need to stop seeking validation from people who cannot give it to us. In the end, the validation will need to come from within, and it is okay to use friends or therapists to be a bridge for you to get to that place.
If you resonate with this work, you might love my course, ‘Relationship Cycle Breaker’ –
Wherever you are, take care of yourselves.
Love, Jen
