Like any form of self-care that we have not grown up with, we have to learn how to do it at some time. There is no better time than now. Think of strengthening your boundaries as a radical act of self-love, and in some families, as a revolutionary act!
To expand on the stages in the image, here are some notes:
Step 1:
Start by getting clear about what boundary you want in place, why you want that boundary, and how not having and having that boundary makes you feel. Take a moment to consider the reason they have for doing what they are doing.
EXAMPLE:
I want my parents to knock before they come into my room because it is my private space, and I want the next level of privacy for myself. Not having it makes me feel like I have no space of my own, and it makes me grumpy and angry with my parents. If they could knock before entering, I would feel that my privacy is respected, more relaxed and happier.
I understand they come into my room without knocking because they always have, and nobody has asked for this boundary before.
Step 2:
Be specific about your request, not too vague.
EXAMPLE:
“I know that we have always been able to walk into each other’s rooms without knocking in the past. However, it is important for me to feel more relaxed and have a space that I feel is my own, and so I want you to knock and wait for me to answer before you walk in from now on. This boundary would give me a lot of peace.”
I find if I have had time to think about the situation and the boundary, and I am clear why it is needed, I am more able to implement and maintain it.
I wish you all the best with boundary setting, love Jen
