My dad was a welder. He worked until he retired at 65. He did manual labour. He worked hard. To him, being a successful adult meant working hard, being frugal and staying safe.
He didn’t know anyone who had gone to university. Nobody in my family had ever been to university. What was the point?
So, when I came home at 17 and told him I wanted to go to university, he said ‘no’.
I said, “Well, you won’t be paying for me. I’ll take care of myself, and by the time I leave, I’ll be 18, an adult. There’s not much you can do about it.” He didn’t speak to me for a few days as he considered it. He came back and said, “Okay, you can go, but you can only go to our local college. You need to stay in the town and live here.”
I ended up studying at Leeds University in the north of England. I lived there for 3 years and loved it. I got an Honours degree and then went to work in Japan for 3 years.
I was the first person in our family to go to university and live and work overseas. I had to break a cycle. It takes effort to go against the grain, to show everyone else we love that things can be done differently and we can stay safe.
I understand that his hesitation was not about punishing me or trying to hold me back. It was about his fear of something he didn’t know. He couldn’t keep me safe so far away. I was stepping into a world that he knew nothing about.
What cycles did you break in your family? Let me know in the comments
Jen
