When you have an anxious adaptation in relationships, conflict signals danger to the nervous system. When this happens, your nervous system fills with energy and prepares you for fight or flight.
This is super helpful if a tiger is chasing you, but not so helpful when you are trying to resolve an issue with your partner. When all this energy hits, it is common to start a fight.
The thoughts underlying the behaviour often sound like this:
I have to do it all myself. He’s never there for me.
I’m just not a priority for him. I come last, I might as well be alone.
I don’t even know who he is. I don’t feel close to him.
I feel like I’m dying in this relationship.
Let me know in the comments if any of this sounds familiar.