When we build up resentments in a relationship it is common that they will come pouring out in the midst of an argument. You start with a complaint about how they leave their clothes on the floor, they become defensive, and to prove you are justified, you begin to list everything they have ever done that you are holding against them. That time they forgot to take out the garbage and the bin stank all week, and that time they were late home and didn’t let you know. Providing all the proof you need that you are not respected or loved in the relationship.
Research has shown that limiting a complaint to the one thing you are complaining about at that time is more effective than listing everything they have ever done to annoy you. Keeping the discussion based on one thing prevents the other person from becoming more defensive and increases the likelihood of the complaint being heard and a resolution being formed.
Much love on your healing journey
Jen