๐ ๐ ๐ซ๐๐๐ญ ๐ฏ๐๐ฅ๐ข๐๐๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ฌ๐ญ๐๐ญ๐๐ฆ๐๐ง๐ญ ๐ฆ๐ข๐ ๐ก๐ญ ๐๐ ๐ฌ๐จ๐ฆ๐๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ฅ๐ข๐ค๐: โ๐ ๐ซ๐๐๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ ๐๐ญ ๐ก๐จ๐ฐ ๐ฎ๐ฉ๐ฌ๐๐ญ๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ญ ๐ฐ๐๐ฌ ๐๐จ๐ซ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ, ๐ข๐ญ ๐ฆ๐๐ค๐๐ฌ ๐ฌ๐๐ง๐ฌ๐ ๐ฐ๐ก๐ฒ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ฐ๐๐ซ๐ ๐ฌ๐จ ๐ฎ๐ฉ๐ฌ๐๐ญ ๐๐๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ญ.โโฃ โฃ
I canโt overemphasise how healing it is to hear, โthe way you feel is valid. I understand why you are so upset. It makes sense,โ, especially to people who were invalidated as children.โฃ โฃ โฃโ
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๐๐จ ๐ฆ๐๐ง๐ฒ ๐ฉ๐๐จ๐ฉ๐ฅ๐ ๐ ๐ซ๐๐ฐ ๐ฎ๐ฉ ๐ข๐ง ๐ก๐จ๐ฆ๐๐ฌ ๐ฐ๐ก๐๐ซ๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ข๐ซ ๐๐ฑ๐ฉ๐๐ซ๐ข๐๐ง๐๐๐ฌ ๐ฐ๐๐ซ๐ ๐ง๐จ๐ญ ๐ฏ๐๐ฅ๐ข๐๐๐ญ๐๐. As a child, did you ever know a fight was going on, but when you asked, your parents said nothing was happening?โฃ โฃ โฃโ
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As a child, did you ever get upset about something and be told you were overreacting? Many times in our childhood, we are inadvertently shamed for our feelings, knowing, and even our very presence.โฃโฃโ
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๐ช๐ ๐๐๐ซ๐ซ๐ฒ ๐ญ๐ก๐จ๐ฌ๐ ๐ฐ๐จ๐ฎ๐ง๐๐ฌ ๐๐ฌ ๐๐๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ญ๐ฌ. The fear of not being heard, of not being validated. We even expect that the people will not validate our version of reality we care about; we expect it to be dismissed. โฃ โฃ โฃโ
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This is why, especially for people with insecure attachment styles, it is essential to receive validation. ๐๐ก๐ ๐ฌ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ญ ๐ฉ๐ฅ๐๐๐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ซ๐๐๐๐ข๐ฏ๐ ๐ฏ๐๐ฅ๐ข๐๐๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง ๐ข๐ฌ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐๐ซ๐๐ฉ๐ข๐ฌ๐ญ, with someone who has been trained to hear deeply, validate, and be curious. This is where therapy is a healing process. โฃ โฃ โฃโ
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It takes practice to learn to hear someone. We have to be willing, for a time, to put aside our own experiences and agendas to make space for someone elseโs experience to be heard and held in the space between us.โฃ โฃ โฃโ
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This can be a magical experience and bring renewed intimacy, understanding, compassion, security, and love into the relationship. โฃ โฃ โฃโ
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Do you remember a time after feeling invalidated, you felt validated? What did that feel like for you? โฃ โฃ โฃ
โฃLove Jen โฃโ
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*Adapted from Gottman Method Couples Therapy โ John & Julie Gottmanโฃโฃโ