When we have experienced neglect, abuse, invalidation, narcissism, conflict or violence as children, as adults, there is still part of us that is expecting the same behaviour from those we love.
We learn that love looks and feels like conflict, neglect, and violence. Sometimes it can be challenging to know how a loving mother would respond to a situation because we have never experienced it. This is where therapy can be invaluable in role modeling what a functional parent sounds and feels like.
In therapy, we can learn to self-reparent. We learn how to be present with the scared and lonely inner child who feels not good enough, rejected, and hurt. We learn to sit with her in painful moments, to acknowledge and validate the pain. We learn how to speak to ourselves in the form of the inner child with the greatest love and compassion.
I have witnessed countless moments of deep healing occur in such moments. When we stop, connect with the deeply wounded part of self, and hold space for it, magic happens. The narratives we have lived with for so long start to change as we gain insight into the situation through our new adult lens.
Self-reparenting is one of the most powerful things I have ever done for myself.
Do you resonate with this?
The short course I reference in the video is “Meet your Inner Child”. It is available through my website.