Unmasking Attachment Anxiety

Attachment anxiety is when we learn as children that we can’t depend on the adults around us, so we adapt our behaviour to suit the situation we are experiencing in that relationship to stay alive, fed and loved.⁣ One adaptation is to feel extreme anxiety when left by your primary carer. In attachment theory, this is called anxious attachment.

This first relational ‘imprint’ continues into adulthood. We have unconscious expectations that the person we are in an adult intimate relationship with will behave the same way our primary carer did. So, if they were unavailable and cold, we expect our partner won’t meet our needs, and there is no point in asking. We may want to be intimate but have no experience of what that feels and looks like from the inside.⁣

If you read through the list and feel that you have attachment anxiety and have felt the pain of that experience in your intimate relationships, friendships, and work, know that you CAN help yourself.⁣

There are practical ways we can rewire our personalities for more fulfilling relationships.⁣ I teach you how in the Relationship Cycle Breakers course. It is a six-week deep dive into healing toxic relationship patterns.

If attachment anxiety resonates with you, let me know in the comments.