Many of my clients feel a tremendous amount of shame when they reflect on events where they would have liked to fight back. They have been in situation after situation where they have had no agency and have felt and been powerless.
When it is not safe, our nervous system will often go into hyperarousal, a state of anxiety, panic, fight, and flight. When we have too much hyperarousal, we reach our inner capacity for what we can tolerate, our nervous system moves into hypoarousal, which is similar to a freeze state. We shut down and dissociate. This is a way to keep us safe. The ability to leave your body if something terrible is happening to you is protective.
When we are in hypoarousal, you might not be able to think properly, you might feel out of your body (dissociated), exhausted and numb.
Know that your response was your body trying to keep you safe in an overwhelming situation.
Know that you make sense.
Know that you CAN heal your nervous system and the effects of the trauma that you have experienced.
Healing is possible.
Wherever you are, much love on your healing journey.