John & Julie Gottman are two of the leading researchers in the field of relationships and marriage. They created a ‘Love Lab’, a fabricated apartment with a beautiful view and cameras to study couples who stayed overnight, as part of …
Tag: Healing
How to Understand Someone Else’s Point of View
When we take on the perspective of someone else, a whole network of brain regions become activated. The dorsomedial and dorsolateral prefrontal cortices, the temporoparietal junction and precuneus. These areas are responsible for memory, attention, social cognition, integration and mental …
Open Minded People
Being open-minded is generally thought of as a necessary quality to think critically. It helps us to see all the factors that might be affecting a situation. It is one of the factors that protects against dogmatism. Being open minded …
Some Journal Prompts for Healing Shame
When we experience shame, our gut reaction is usually to run as fast as we can in the other direction. In the moment, this might be the safest thing to do, but after the moment has passed it can be …
What Does Shame Sound Like?
It is easy to read posts about shame and think “Oh, I don’t feel any shame, that’s not in my life”. If that is the case, you are an incredibly rare individual. For most people, shame is part of life. …
How To Heal Shame
Shame is a painful emotion that is created because of a sense of failure to meet a certain standard. Shame says that we are flawed and unworthy of connection. In response to shame people will isolate themselves or numb their …
How to Work with Shame
Nathanson (1992) presents a fabulous tool to show us how shame shows up. When we look at the middle axis of withdrawal and avoidance, we see two different behaviours. With withdrawal, there is hiding and disconnection. We know from research …
Shame Is The Fear Of Disconnection
Shame is a painful emotion that is created because of a sense of failure to meet a certain standard. It sounds like: “I’m a failure, I’m a terrible person, I’m useless”. They are absolute statements about the self that make …
Words Used To Shame And Prevent Assertiveness
A sure way to stop people being assertive is to shame them. As Brene Brown talks about so wonderfully in her book ‘Daring Greatly’, shame is pervasive in our culture. It limits innovation, true self-expression and stops us taking risks. …
Helpful Assertive Communication Examples
Sometimes finding the right words is tricky. I hope these slides will give you a feel for what an assertive conversation might sound like. A wonderful resource in the area of communication is Marshall Rosenberg’s ‘Non-Violent Communication’. I bought a …