Real Validation

It is so easy to think we have heard our partner, when in fact we have been busy defending our position.

We are often afraid that if we see things from their perspective, in a FELT way, we will not be able to maintain our position. This leaves the other person feeling invalidated, that they are not allowed to have their view or feelings. It can leave us feeling misunderstood.

How do you validate your partner’s feelings? Do you slow down and take a moment to imagine what it might be like with their history, way of being, fears, to be in this moment? Do you ever say the most beautiful words on Earth: “I understand why you would feel this way. You make sense?”

When we do this, magic happens. Rather than being trampled over, the other person relaxes their guard, “I have been heard and understood, I can stop pushing so hard.” They soften. There is an opening for something different to emerge. 

This is one way to break cycles of unhelpful communication. 

Real validation is more than understanding what our partner is telling us. It is taking a moment to put down our defences, to step into their shoes and SEE the world through their eyes and FEEL the world through their heart. To understand why they might feel the way they do.

When you get a sense of what it is like for them, you share your insights and check them out with your partner.

This is real validation.


If you would like to learn more about breaking cycles, check out the new one-on-one coaching for my Relationship Cycle Breakers course