As the listener, you must first notice the part of you formulating your response. This part is likely to be a protector in your system. This part is probably trying to protect you in some way. It might be protecting you from looking stupid and feeling shame, or protecting you from being blamed for something and feeling angry about it.
The second step is to have compassion for that part and its intention. The third step is to ask it to soften back so you can deeply listen to what the other person is saying. You might reassure that part that softening back and deeply listening will help the other person feel heard and actually improve things. You could invite the part to try it out just once and see what happens.
Let me know if this is useful.
Big love,
Jen