The aim with the inner critic is to befriend it rather than try to eradicate it. Most of us have tried to eliminate it, and it is still there, so clearly, that doesn’t work.
What does work is to turn towards it like an old friend. After all, it is a voice most of us know well. It is indeed an old friend. In Internal Family Systems (IFS), we get to know the critic, where it sits in the body, what kinds of things it says, and what its hopes and fears are. This creates space between you and the critic and the knowing that the critical voice is not all of me because there is another part of me talking to the critic.
This might sound like, “Ah, it’s Critical Clare, again. Hello Clare. I’m guessing you just got scared then that I’m going to mess up. I get that. You are scared of me failing, and you are trying to protect me from failure. Thank you for all your hard work. Know that I have this, and if I mess up, I’ll take care of it. You don’t need to worry about this.”
Sometimes, this will help a critical part feel safer. Sometimes, they need a bit more holding and healing, and this is best done with a qualified IFS therapist.
Let me know in the comments if this is helpful.
Love, Jen
