It is normal to have conflict and struggle in a relationship. When you begin a relationship, you usually spend a while in the honeymoon phase and lose part of yourselves as you enter the intoxicating phase of merging. As your differences become more and more apparent, there can be a power struggle that emerges.
It can be challenging for both people to feel their needs are being met in the relationship, and there can quickly be tension over certain things. This is the perfect time to sit down and talk about what is going on for both of you. Remember that listening in these conversations is incredibly important. You might set up a time, perhaps 15 minutes, for one to share without being interrupted and then swap. Exercises like these allow time and space for you to hear one another and can be relationship savers.
If issues are not resolved during the struggle phase, they tend to recur. This is the stage where you get to see what one another are made of. How do you handle conflict? How does your partner handle conflict? Who always backs down to keep the peace? How well do you both regulate your emotions? What parts get triggered in the relationship, and how do you deal with those parts?
There is so much potential for growth in a relationship. As Ram Das says, being in a relationship can be some of the most intense spiritual work you ever do.
If you are going through this phase right now, know that it is a normal phase. Your relationship will either make it or not. So much love on your healing journey,
Love, Jen
