Sometimes when I share that I’m upset about something, you get upset about me being upset. It starts to feel really confusing and I end up soothing you instead of myself.
This often happens when you feel that you are the cause of the upset. If you feel that the person is being unreasonable or over-reactive. You might find that you step into defensiveness and get upset.
The challenge is to be strong enough to explore your partner’s original upset. That means putting your defensiveness or insecurity aside for a moment, leaning in, and getting curious.
Some helpful phrases are: “Tell me more about how that made you feel,” “It makes sense that you would feel that way,” and “It sounds really difficult for you. Know that I’m here to support you.”
There will be time to share your thoughts and feelings after the first person has had space to be deeply heard and held.
Let me know how you go,
Love Jen
