There are two main parts to building secure attachment. The first step is to build what I call internal secure attachment. When you have an internal secure attachment, you know at your very core that you will be there for yourself when you most need it. You know that you can rely on yourself. This deep self-reliance doesn’t come from a place of excessive independence but from a place of deep inner love, compassion and connection. When we are deeply connected to our core self, and that core self is driving the bus, we are less reactive, our inner alarm system goes off less frequently, and when it does, we can come into regulation faster. This is the gift of INTERNAL SECURE ATTACHMENT. The second part is building relational skills to have a secure relationship with your special person.