We might call this people-pleasing, but for me, this is deeper. This happens in the small but powerful moments when we:
- Concede in an argument because we feel them pulling away.
- Have sex, but our body doesn’t feel like it, to keep them with us.
- Let go of our boundary because they don’t like it.
- Don’t listen to our intuition because what it tells us might leave us single.
- Seek validation from them, rather than giving it to ourselves.
- Give up interests or friendships to keep the other person happy.
- Criticise ourselves for feeling needy.
- Consistently focus on the other person’s needs above our own.
When we do these things, we abandon ourselves. A younger part of us is watching all of this and feeling deeply.
It is potent to notice the behaviour, see the cycle of self-abandonment for what it is, and decide to change that pattern. This is where we have the opportunity to meet that pattern with compassion and understanding and to learn how to hold that younger part of self who is terrified of being abandoned.
Healing is possible.
Love to all of you on this journey with me – thank you for being here.
Love, Jen
P.s. let me know in the comments what small change you made to stop self-abandoning.
