Is it SAFE to securely attach to my partner?
This is the first question to consider when you have one of the three insecure attachment styles.
Yesterday we talked about the corrective experience with a trained therapist. This is a safe and controlled way to imprint a new way of relating and create a framework to experience something different in your relationships.
Another deeply healing way is in an intimate relationship. If you are one of the insecurely attached styles, it is best if you pair up with a securely attached partner. They will be able to help you know what it is like to be in a healthy relationship. They already have a healthy imprint in the psyche of what it FEELS like, so they will naturally re-create that attachment with you.
Sometimes being in relationship with a securely attached person will feel BORING. You are used to the chase, to NOT getting your needs met, to chaos everywhere. When you are in a relationship with someone who is grounded, calm, and stable, it feels dead, like there is no ‘energy’ in it.
This might take some time to adjust to. It will be up to you to inject healthy fun and excitement into the relationship.
The best way to create a secure home base through corrective experiences is with a therapist and then with a therapist and a partner to practice what you have learnt. There is no better way. You can do the work with your therapist and then go back into your relationship and try it out. You can observe you triggers and work through them with your therapist and your partner. Having loving support people around you is a game changer.
If you are on the healing journey to renovate your relationships this is a great place to start.
I wish you so much luck on your journey. Know I am here. That I see you. I know it can be hard. You can do this!
*Attachment theory by John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth & Main & Solomon
