When we have grown up with unavailable caregivers, we will often be attracted to unavailable partners because it is familiar.
We are used to receiving breadcrumbs
We are used to feeling a significant distance between us
We are used to not being important in their life
We are used to being at the bottom of the list
This is all we know, so this FEELS like what a relationship is.
Until we get older and look around, we see other people having different experiences. We see other relationships with more intimacy, support, and attention.
This is the point of power. It is like waking up from a dream and realising that what we have thought of as healthy and loving is not. This is what I call the ‘Discovery’ phase in the Cycle Breakers Circle.
This is followed by the ‘Healing’ phase. This is where we go out in search of change. We might find this with a therapist, through courses, community, or travel. There are so many different paths to healing and growth.
The next phase is ‘Growth’. This is where we integrate what we have learned and embodied into our daily lives. It is often expansive as we start to have a different experience.
Wherever you are on your healing journey, know that you have got this! All cycles can be broken.
If you are done attaching to unavailable people, let me know in the comments.
Love, Jen
