The fear of being abandoned can feel worse than the fear of death. Just the thought of that person leaving you might make you feel like you will throw up, that you will never want to engage with the world again if that person leaves. This would make sense if you were abandoned as a child.
There are many ways a child can be abandoned. A child can be neglected and ignored, physically abused, not believed when they share abuse with an adult, or a parent may leave. A child may develop attachment anxiety if the adults caring for them are unavailable because of addiction or unresolved trauma.
One adaptation is to people please. If I am good, if I cause no problems, then I will be loved and cared for. The need for connection is the need to survive in a small child. So, as an adult, the drive to stay connected may feel overwhelming. You might find yourself allowing behaviours that are not okay. You might allow boundaries to be crossed. You might ignore other basic needs to keep this person close.
Know that your attachment anxiety can be changed with time and focus. I teach you HOW in the Relationship Cycle Breakers course that starts in two weeks. It is a six-week deep dive into healing unhelpful relationship patterns. To find out more and get your Early Bird Discount, click here
If attachment anxiety resonates with you, let me know in the comments
