If you grew up in an emotionally unstable environment, you would have learned to watch for any little thing that might set them off. You learn to do things perfectly to avoid being shouted at or punished. You learn to …
Tag: anxious attachment
Anxious Attachment and the Danger of People Pleasing
The fear of being abandoned can feel worse than the fear of death. Just the thought of that person leaving you might make you feel like you will throw up, that you will never want to engage with the world …
The Dance of The Avoidant and The Securely Attached
Something I haven’t seen talked about anywhere else is the phenomenon where an avoidant will create an anxious attachment out of a normally securely attached person. Can this happen? Yes! I know because I have had this experience myself. I …
The Dance Of The Anxious And The Securely Attached
The honeymoon phase for the anxiously attached is wonderful, as they finally find someone to partner with. Deep down they feel that the world is not a safe place, so it is safer with someone than alone. The honeymoon phase …
The Dance Of The Avoidant & The Anxiously Attached
If you think of every adult as having a child-like part and an adult-like part, certain combinations are very attractive. For example, an adult with a well-developed adult part, let’s say he’s a banker. Quite serious, not much fun. He …
How To Be With A Partner Who Has Disorganised Attachment
Children are wired for survival. To survive, they will adapt to their environment to get their needs for food, love, and security met. In children who show disorganised attachment, the primary caregiver has been erratic, unpredictable and sometimes abusive and …
How To Be With A Partner Who Is Anxiously Attached
Some common scenarios that come up when you are in a relationship with an anxiously attached partner: You have a busy day at work and couldn’t return his call and have received ten text messages which become more and more …
Tools For Those With Anxious Attachment
It is common for anxiously attached people to judge themselves for their insecurity. Having grown up with a mother (or primary caregiver) who was not consistently available and attuned to their needs, these children learnt that they were not important, …
Ambivalent (Anxious) Attachment
All attachment styles are the child’s response to the mother’s behaviour (or primary caregiver). The child’s brain is being wired in specific directions regarding intimate relationships, based on the primary relationship; with the mother. There can be a few reasons …
What is your Attachment Style?
Up until the age of two, our brain is growing at a furious rate. The neurons are connecting, and the brain is being wired, literally. In the relationship with our primary caregiver (usually the mother), we are being wired for …