One of the most potent times to visit a therapist is when I am aware of repeating cycles in my life. My therapist helps me clarify what impulses me to behave in certain ways and where those impulses have come from (so I can understand them and have compassion for myself). I have the time and space to be with myself as I explore those intense feelings and thoughts while being held by my therapist.
Research in relationships shows that men find it more difficult than women to accept influence from their partners (see J. Gottman’s research). But, let’s face it, we can all love to win, and we are living in a culture that promotes winning. In a relationship, when one person is winning all the time, BOTH partners are losing.
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who has to be right all the time? It can be so frustrating. Even when there is evidence that they are wrong, they won’t openly say, “oh, I was wrong”, they will either continue to argue, avoid discussing it again or say that you had missed their point and they were, in fact, right. So frustrating!
Each time I celebrate a birthday, it’s like I’m telling my little girl inside how special she is. She feels me planning for my birthday, thinking about what I would like, what will make the day feels special to her. She feels cared for and important to me. I feel a warmth in my chest as I write this. She feels my love.
We all know those uncomfortable few minutes after a heated discussion. The argument’s energy is hanging in the air, and you are both processing what was said. If your trauma response has been activated, you might be calming your nervous system down and bringing it out of hyperarousal or hypoarousal.
Healing Dissociation Part 2
Dissociation is often a misunderstood and feared part of the system. Healing in a system with a big dissociated part means that we need to start with safety. Your life needs a foundation of current safety and a sense of felt safety in the space with your therapist. Creating this foundation can take a while, so it’s important to be patient with the process. Look for a therapist who has some understanding of polyvagal theory and how your nervous system reacts.
the pursuer-withdrawer pattern in relationships, a dynamic that can significantly impact relationship satisfaction and longevity. Dr. Ferguson shares her journey into psychology and hypnotherapy, offering deep insights into how these modalities can aid in self-discovery and healing.
I like to think of dissociation like a firefighter. When an internal alarm signals danger, the firefighter wakes up, puts on its firefighting gear, rushes to the rescue, and does what it knows how to do: dissociate.
In therapy, we can get to know the part that dissociates. Rather than finding it annoying or scary, we can be curious about why it does what it does.
Exploring how we protect ourselves in the face of overwhelming or scary situations is essential. Naturally, we might react by freezing, fleeing, fighting, submitting, or seeking attachment.
Resuming normal life post-trauma can be a vital step in healing, grounding us back in our daily routines and connections. However, when trauma is ongoing or deeply distressing, our psyche might create a protective layer, telling us, “It wasn’t that bad,” or “You’re just too sensitive.” This defence mechanism works tirelessly to suppress the trauma.